It’s that time of year agaaaain!!!!!!!!! Our treasured annual tradition of roasting bad costumes from the big costume stores continues! TWELVE years of mocking racist, shameful, or just plain confusing Halloween costumes. This is your trigger warning for cussing, dick jokes, and so forth.
If you’d like to read previous years here they are (please note some of the older posts include images that aren’t available anymore so you’ll have to imagine those costumes):
Bring on the terrible Halloween costume choices!!!!! In no particular order here are some lamentable 2022 Halloween costumes I found online:
Green Sanitary Napkin: This does not look like a pickle or a cucumber or really anything on closer inspection, but from a distance there is a definitely Shrek-related joke in there.Ew. Just ew. I can only ass-ume that this costume would be funny in early 2020 when people were hoarding toilet paper. Now it just screams “avoid this dude at the party”.Itchy Boobs- That’s about all I can think of when I look at this demonic popcorn mess. What exactly is her popcorn tube top made of? Do you think it’s real corn? At least she has brought a snack to the party. Cue that annoying corn song from tiktok….Man Fish- The perfect costume to order for that boyfriend you’ve had a handful of months who will begrudgingly dress up for the Halloween party you’re attending together but only if you buy him the costume and hand it to him like he is five (spoiler- he’s a buzzkill, run).
Unfortunate Tea Pot Woman- This was an actual branded Disney costume. What a remarkable resemblance! I cannot tell them apart.
Incomplete Skin Graft- This is a giant bag with a hole for your head with “pizza” printed on it. You can’t really identify it as pizza until you get close to it which is always a sign of an excellent costume…
Cat Dad- Okay, I admit if this was executed differently (and in a less soul-less hobby taxidermy looking way) this could be funny on the right (likely female) person. Meow!
Infection- Just what we need, another epidemic. The pink pustules on this nude bodysuit really cement this as an obscure reference to something you’d read on WebMD at 3am while deciding which thing you’re dying of this week.What-i-corn?– I’ll give you a second but this costume was labeled as “cotton candy”. It’s sort of an unholy love child of a bath loofah, LulaRoe, and one of those supermarket unicorn cakes.
Couple’s Costume! Mother Nature and a Bush…. Nothing says cherish Mother Nature like a mass produced polyester (seriously, you can HEAR that fabric through the photo) dress. And a bush. Not even a good bush, just a green lump.
Yellow Bird Shit on A Biscuit- What the ever living fuck? Why would you want a “spray cheese on cracker” graphic costume? This makes me feel a bit nauseous.Winnie The Poo (Without the Bear)- Maybe there’s just a lot of toilet humor in my brain right now but this doesn’t look like a bee hive. It’s like they had an abundance of poop emoji costumes and festooned them with bees to try and get them sold.Heat Stroke Ball- A very covid conscious costume (no, it’s not over)– no air gets in and no air gets out! Sure, you’ll end your pub crawl gasping for air like a real fish as you tear a hole in the side in desperation- but look how happy it’s face is!!!Ha Ha Testicles- Why are so many costumes for dudes just desperate to remind people of their genitals? Depressing couple’s costume because she’s stuck spending the entire party beside Mr My-Balls-Get-It-Balls.It’s Nothing- This was listed as “Precious Panda”. It is neither a panda nor precious, it’s just sort of a fuzzy fabric pile with ear-shaped-lumps.
HAPPY ALMOST HALLOWEEN! As always all of these “Bad Costumes” are just in fun, wear whatever you want this holiday (if it’s not mocking marginalized people). Halloween is a great time to explore your own personal style because you have a built-in excuse for going over the top!
Gloomth & the Cult of Melancholy 