Our treasured annual tradition of roasting bad costumes from the big costume stores continues! Eleven years of mocking racist, shameful, or just plain confusing Halloween costumes. This is your trigger warning for cussing, dick jokes, and so forth. 🙂
If you’d like to read previous years here they are:
Here we go! In no particular order here are some Bad Costumes for 2021:
Cat Bag. A polyester leopard print poncho with a hoodie pocket on the front and a tail…. I mean, I guess it’s a costume technically. It’s the covid-depression of costumes however.Current News Boner. Why are there always so many costumes for men that are just dick jokes or pointing at their dicks? It’s weird right? Someone at costume headquarters is a 14 year old boy with “Deez Nutz” written in sharpie on his binder. At least this one vaguely gestures towards the reality of 2021.Fumkin– English, meaning a fucked up Halloween pumpkin. The model’s face here really says it all. Who doesn’t want their mom’s cotton nightie with a warped jack-o-lantern print on it?! Are those eyelashes in the corners of the eye triangles? WHO?….. More like why…..
Corporate Sponsored Apocalypse. Nothing soul crushing about dressing up as your favorite brand for a holiday while the world is on fire and rich countries hoard vaccines during a pandemic! It’s every early 2020 corporate newsletter starting with “___ cares about your health” or whatever.
Urban Commuter. I should have put this one behind a click-through since it’s so deeply harrowing and scary. Sorry for the nightmares everyone! Before you @ me I did find this in the Halloween section of a site. If anyone has any clue what the hell is going on here comment below please.
You’re Shedding. I really don’t think the “Flinstones” are relevant enough to make this costume even slightly recognizable, it was labeled as “Bedrock Baby Costume”. It’s just sort of a mangled green faux fur rug and some ripped panties.Guess! What would you think this was if it wasn’t labeled “Piñata”? As an old person I’d probably assume it was from a phone game or cartoon, but no it’s apparently a piñata.He Wolf. There’s a he wolf in your closet, if it looks like this then you have moths! Maybe this is the werewolf that gets hit by a car on a dark country road at the beginning of every movie?Barely a Bee. This is a romper with pipe-cleaners on top with a terrible joke printed awkwardly on the front. This does not work and it doesn’t fit the poor model very well either.Underwhelming Ghost. BOO! I mean yes it’s scary that this was $45.99 usd when it is a bathing suit with a piece of organza sort of slung around it like the world’s most useless bandage. Why is the ghost face so happy looking? Nothing about this costume makes me happy. 😛Retro Space Pancreas! Welcome to the world of organ themed costumes that are not penises! Okay, this was labeled “banana bread” but it’s definitely Retro Space Pancreas. Brand New Lime Flavor. You just know there is a trail of green hairs wherever you go while wearing this nightmare of a costume. Itchy, sheddy, lime-y green something? The Purple People Eater’s hot cousin? Plant Dad or a Real Prick? There’s nothing else to say here.
This year there were almost no indigenous costumes I could find on mainstream sites, I think maybe we’ve finally turned a corner on mocking cultures to celebrate a holiday (thank fuck). I did see a myriad of “ha ha fat people” costumes that were the same tired tropes as every year, so we haven’t really moved forward there so don’t get too excited. Please remember insulting entire groups of already marginalized people isn’t a cute look this October (or ever).
Gloomth & the Cult of Melancholy 
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