Can you believe we’ve been mocking terrible Halloween costumes we see for sale for FIFTEEN YEARS!?! Wild!! Our annual tradition of finding the worst costumes we can on the mass produced sites. We don’t mock homemade or individuals’ costumes, that’d be mean. This is just for fun. Now onto the costumes!

SpongeRobert. This is not a costume, it’s a cartoon character slapped on a bad polyester skater dress like it’s 2014. It also looks like instead of photographing the actual ugly dress they just AI slopped (or photo-shop-slopped) the graphic onto the dress in post. Lovely.

Hunka Hunka Burning UTI? This is bad. It looks like a temu costume for a figure skating rehearsal. Polyester horror. The seams where the fire just abruptly ends really make this extra glamorous. It might work if your partner goes as Smokey the Bear…?

Rotting Pizza. I genuinely thought this costume was supposed to be pizza at first glance. I haven’t seen any Pirates movies since the first so maybe there is a rotten pizza themed ballgown moment. My media illiteracy has saved me again.

Truly Atrocious. What the fuck is this? Why does it have a giant zipper and then poorly printed digital pet toys all over it? Yixes. Just yixes. You can just tell I found this on the Halloween section of the Shein website, very little else has that devoid-of-soul vibe down like Shein.

Actually Not An Ass. This costume was labeled “potato” and not ass. Maybe they got it mixed up? That middle seam is definitely giving butt cleavage……

CALL IN SICK IF YOU HATE HALLOWEEN! If you work somewhere where everyone seems to dress up or enjoy Halloween and you don’t dig the holiday- instead of showing up in a bad polyester top with whatever franchise lazily printed all over it try CALLING IN SICK. Or not dressing up at all. They can’t fire you for that (unless you work at Spirit Halloween perhaps). It’s not a costume to wear a themed shirt, it’s just not. Sorry.

Something something Period Pain. I am the ghost of period pain past/present/future? What clever and well thought out placement of those red stains. A+.

This feels racist.

Explain It To Me Again? If your costume is something you have to explain to people, like this “tiger lily” mess, then it doesn’t work. Walking past this heap on the street I’d never be able to tell you it was supposed to be a flower…..

Poop Emoji. Remember when companies thought we all wanted emojis printed on everything?! That was a weird time. The bees only marginally save this from just being a big plush poop you’ve climbed into on purpose. No.

Unsettling Toaster Strudel. You can make this at home out of cardboard and it’ll look vastly better than this branded advertising placard being sold as a “costume”.

A Euphemism. The “sexy” costume section of these sites is always the most terrifying. What is this? Spotted brown whatever. I mean sure sure “cookie” okay.

J Ends in Izz. If you work at a fertility clinic here is your perfect costume haha. Haunted ghost um….fluid. Ew. EW.

The Crossover Costume No One Asked For. Why is the mer-person in the mafia? Why does the sea need organized crime? I also enjoy that they’ve just printed a bad shell on the crotch of these baggy weird looking leggings. Not even the men can escape the Bad Costume curse.

No More Pumpkin Spice. Does everything need that vomity flavor added to it? Anyone else think pumpkin spice tastes like bile? Just me?

And one really amusing fish. Just because.

HAPPY ALMOST HALLOWEEN!